random

hey! you like lists? me too!

(it’s been a looooong series of hours over here at badrabbyt headquarters. midterm next week, sausage festival saturday. fan mail! laundry still sitting in the dryer, i’ve just now realized. and, where the hell did october go?) (oh, and happy halloween.)

ahem. anyway… that google. he’s so funny. and google is totally a guy. a whipped guy, to be sure. i mean, he brings you nearly everything you’ve ever asked for, and a boatload of stuff you never knew existed. and some stuff… well. there are some truly dirty minds out there. and not in a sexy way. like, ew, michael jackson dirty.

• et funny – who knew? this same search came up a couple different times, with spelling and punctuation variations. and actually, when i mentioned a copyright infringement a few weeks back? anyway, i found my et picture (go check the flickr) slapped on more than one message board by some random bastards. and it pissed me off for various reasons, the major one being the whole stealing-my-stuff issue. so, if you absolutely must wrangle one of my pictures, ask. the email is right up there. i read the comments. or else i’m going to have to go back to swearing like a trucker.
• my calves – are people talking about my calves when i’m not looking? seriously – it’s bad enought that i can’t buy a pair of proper knee-high boots because my calves seem to think we’re trying to be rambo or something. does sylvester stallone have big calves? maybe i’m thinking of ahnold. anyway, they’re very muscular, and kinda on the big side. thanks, moutain bike, you ass! it would appear that from atop my neck, they look huge. in pictures involving my knitted socks, not so much. i can’t believe people use the google for that kind of retardedness.
• pussy shot – yes, this is my own doing. the gratuitious pussy shots, featuring my cat, ophelia. i’m actually thrilled this is getting people here. ha! google for such vernacular, peep a kitten. that’s the rule.
• expired nyquil – again, one of those things that will not die. nyquil that is past its prime will make you high under the right conditions. and don’t read alice in wonderland while partaking.
• breastasaurus – what’s mind-numbing about this is, i think i actually use this phrase to describe women i see at bars and shows about town that are exposing too much. and yes, there is such a thing as too much. when i can see your areolas, it’s time to don a muumuu. i’m just saying, is all. or… is that you, cecil? you know that’s not a real dinosaur, right?
• cheeto from the past – this is a sly way of saying puke, isn’t it?
• creeeepy – not just creepy. i guess the google takes the extra vowels into account? oh, the google says, you don’t want the garden variety creepy, you want uber-creepy? i got you covered. go check on the midget over yonder. the one with the red hair. and the rabbyt thing. i mean, i spell it like that sometimes. but still.
• do- – do, what? see, again i worry about the poor googler that became involved in a terrible threshing accident or something, before they could finish their quest. the quest for… dorks? dookie? doorknobs? so many unanswered questions!
• hibiscus tattoo – i don’t know where this came from. there was the hibiscus flower picture, and i have a tattoo. two things related only by the fact that it’s my skin, and i took the flower picture while on vacation. i’m actually just thrilled that it’s spelled correctly.
• ruby slippers – oh, man. i covet the ruby slippers. i was considering dressing up as dorothy for halloween this year, but i had to forget about it when i realized i had no ruby slippers. and further, i did not have time to make a pair. but dude… i want some ruby slippers. i feel your pain. there’s no place like home. at least there, the heater works. here, the air conditioning is on. it’s shenanigans, i tell you.
• cracks of butts – when i saw this, i thought to myself, someone should spackle that bastard closed. i have a friend that thinks the word ’spackle’ is hysterically funny. she laughs every time anyone says it. so… spackle spackle spackle that crackle. or, you know, pull up your pants.
• drunk asleep puke – does this involve the cheeto from the past? are y’all related? in all seriousness, i think i was at that party. anyone that went to college was at that party. or was in the dorm room next to that party. same thing. and also in seriousness, when someone passes out from drinking too much? flip them over on their stomach. that way, when they do puke in their sleep (and they will, sparky. all over your absorbent couch), they don’t choke on their own vomit. or tongue.
• elephant humping – again, it will not die. you want to see elephants get frisky? go to the goddamn zoo during mating season. or watch animal planet. speaking of the zoo, did you know that giraffes have tongues that are nearly black? and they try to lick people that get close enough? i was in a behind-the-scenes area of the zoo, and the giraffe maybe thought i looked tasty?
• frenc- – this was a tragic croissant accident. caused by the threshing accident mentioned above. it’s been a sad and bloody month.

but thanks for stopping by!