you have extra blood. i wants it.

firstly, my office? it was bitterly cold. then it was amazingly hot. now, it’s nearing bitter cold again. someone has glued the thermostat cover to the wall, so the temperature can’t be monkeyed with. it’s just getting a little nutty.

i was telling a co-worker, it’s like our entire building is in menopause. i’m hot! i’m cold! i’m hot! i’m cold! he said it was kinda like being at home with his wife.

anyway.

i had a patient yesterday ask me if i was german. now, i don’t really know what a german ‘looks’ like. i have known people from germany, but that’s not what i mean. i guess what i’m saying is, i’m not aware of a physical stereotype for germans. i have blue eyes, and blonde hair. however, the eyes are relatively pale-ish, and the blonde is semi-covered by red. which, as a note to self, i seriously need to dye the roots this weekend. i’m looking a little old and frumpy (anyone that’s saying something along the lines of ‘how does that differ from any other day’ to their computer screen can smack themselves sharply on my behalf, thanks), and that’s not who i am. really.

but my patient? she’s originally from poland, and she told me she has an aversion to anyone with germanic roots doing medical stuff to her. i assured her i wasn’t german. and then i did what i was there to do.

which brings me to your veins. yes, you.

i don’t like giving advice, in general. however. during my time in the lab, i’ve become aware of a lot of things the basic non-medical person doesn’t know. i’m not saying this in an oh-you’re-dumb kind of way. i’m sure you’re using that part of your brain for something else, like speaking mandarin or playing the flute. and it’s not like doctors and nurses will willingly tell you these things. actually, now that i think about it, most of the nurses i know won’t willingly tell you anything. sure, they’re lovely people. but getting basic information out of one? like pulling teeth sometimes.

as an example – the next time your doctor (or nurse) tells you they need you to have blood drawn, and you have to fast beforehand? you only need to abstain for about 8 hours. anything more than that is just fine, but it will make you cranky, and your veins will sometimes be smaller. also, ‘fasting’ refers to food and caloric drink. you can have coffee, so long as you don’t put in sugar or creamer. no tea, though, for reasons i don’t entirely understand. and no soda. because, uh… der.

hm. let’s make a list:

fasting – ‘no caloric food or drink for 8 hours’ is the verbage. water is encouraged. and unless you’re told otherwise, your regular pills are okay, too. and apparently i need to address this – both bananas and celery count as caloric food. just saying.

water – seriously. drink water until you feel like an overfull aquarium. water hydrates your body in general, and your veins will enlarge to handle the work load. larger veins make my life easier. and water’s good for you, anyway. oh, and any time they’re testing your kidneys for anything, or you’re being tested for diabetes, you’ll have to pee in a cup. if you’ve drunk a bunch of water, you’ll be prepared for that extra test.

time of day – if you can avoid it, don’t get your blood drawn first thing in the morning. much like a person, they aren’t really ‘awake’ yet. veins tend to constrict and bury themselves deeper in the surrounding tissues in the morning, to conserve heat. if you live in a really cold environment (like my office, for example), they will be buried there for most of the day. the best time to get your blood drawn is july. or in the afternoon, if you can’t wait ’til summer. if you go to a gym or exercise, i strongly suggest you work out before getting your blood drawn. your veins will be closer to the skin, to let off your excess heat.

know your body – if you know you have smalll veins, or the lab peeps seem to get blood out of the same place every time, it’s a good idea to say something. don’t tell me you have lousy veins, or that they ‘roll’. the vein rolling doesn’t really happen. what happens is, the person with the needle didn’t stabilize the vein, and the needle misses. or, with elderly men, the outer layer of the blood vessel has hardened, and the needle kind of bounces off. veins don’t ‘roll’. i swear to you. while veins are not encased in cement, they are relatively stable. they have a bit of wiggle room in your body, and it’s very easy to just miss the vein. it’s not a lack of skill. but it’s not a ‘rolling vein’ either. oh, the other reason i’ve had to re-poke at a vein? the patient jumps, and the needle misses. that should be another tip:

don’t jump when the needle touches your skin.

it’s a good idea to mention medical conditions – like, if you’re prone to fainting. or if you have epilepsy. or you’re totally freaked out by needles, and you haven’t eaten for 17 hours because the doctor didn’t explain the whole ‘fasting’ thing. i have a semi-regular patient who is terrified of needles. he shakes and sweats the whole time he’s in the lab. i’m super gentle with him, and i know that if i tell him when i’m about ready to insert the needle, he does his best to hold that arm still. and i never miss his vein. so, there’s that.

you have veins everywhere – if you don’t have usable veins around the elbow area (medical term: olecranon. fun fact), i will totally stab you in the wrist, forearm, or hand. i’ve gotten blood from people’s feet before. once, i took it out of someone’s jugular, but that was crazy time, and i had two nurses breathing down my neck. my point is this – just because you don’t see a vein, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a vein. and you have more than one vein i can woo. i guess that makes me the vein whisperer.

i’m not taking that much – seriously. those little vials they take from you? roughly 5 milliliters. for a more visual example, it would take about 150 vials to fill one bag of donated blood at the red cross. the average is between one and four vials.

i think that’s all the tips i have for today. oh, and don’t hold your breath when you’re having blood taken. you will for sure pass out then.

thanks for stopping by.