the power of laziness

so, yeah. i’ve had plenty of time to get some blogging happening, and i’ve started a fair few posts in my head. but, what it comes down to, people? i’ve been a lazy sack of protoplasm, and i’ve been enjoying it. i’m not the type of person that slacks off, in general. i like getting things done, and ticking them off a list. however, i also like napping and staring out the window, it appears. so, i make my half-hearted promise to get my tushie over to the compy a little more often.

and, by the way? naps are awesome.

oh! i’ve been savoring the new david sedaris book, when you are engulfed in flames. i’m a huge fan of his - and, by the way, if you’ve never read holidays on ice, then your life is a sad little shell, i tell you what - and this book does not disappoint. i’ve read reviews where people say, oh, it’s not as good as his other books, blah blah blah. pay no attention to them. it’s good stuff, and i’ve been limiting myself to one or two essays a day, so the book will last longer.

and i’m kind of excited to read assisted loving, largely because i heard the author on NPR, and he was quite engaging. i’m getting it from the library, unless i manage to tear through all the books at my house in the next week or so (which, i’m telling you, simply is not feasible). it just sounds cute and sweet, and something of a labor of love.

hm. i’m still frustrated over the indiana jones movie. look away if you don’t want it spoiled for you. dude, harrison? i’m pretty sure those are the exact same pants from the first three movies. you’re a professor and badass; surely you can pack a second pair of trousers. and… come on, now. aliens? flipping aliens? did someone confuse indiana with han solo? oh, and you’re a grown-ass man, now. button your shirt up a little, hm? not that i’m complaining, because you’ve taken great care of yourself. but, well… the general rule of thumb should be, when you get your AARP card, you have to show less chest.

… and, this has nothing to do with anything, and may possibly give you more information about me than you really need. i was in the gym the other day, and i became aware of how old my bra was, and i made a mental note to go buy a few new boob holders. for reference, i wear a 36C (see? i told you there would be more than you really needed to know about me. but it is relevant, i swear). and when did it become so goddamn hard to get a bra in my, er, ample size that did not have padding? i mean, seriously. and i’m not talking about the molded cups that are great with t-shirts and all. that’s not padding, so much as modesty protection. i’m talking about the bras that make what you’ve got look even bigger. which is retarded when it comes to the bigger sizes. thong bikinis shouldn’t be made in plus sizes, and any bra over a B cup does not need extra padding. i come with my own chest amplification, thanks.

jesus. so annoyed by undergarments.

oh, and i believe i’ve cemented my awkwardness in the minds of my co-workers. see, the other morning, i was supposed to go to this hour-long certification thingy. and about ten minutes before the thingy started, i got a nosebleed. i don’t mean a little trickle, like when you get when you’ve blown your nose too hard. i’m talking a gushing torrent that lasted a little too long for comfort. i’m standing there, talking to this guy i work with, and i think my nose is running. i grab a tissue, and i discover i have a little red river action happening above my lip. i dash over to the employee restroom area, where i fill up three or four tissues while trying to stop the flow. by the way, the best way to stop a nosebleed is not to pinch your nose closed, or lean your head back. you can actually cause yourself to choke on your own blood doing that. what works 99.9% of the time is firm pressure on the bridge of your nose, kind of parallel with your tear ducts, for around a minute. i stood there, pinching the bridge of my nose with a tissue to catch the blood torrent. and while it slowed, it did not stop. my other co-worker, and hopefully a soon-to-be good friend, grabbed a bunch of tissues, told me to ‘be a man about it’, and led me by the elbow to our meeting thingy. where we promptly ran into the not-drunk veteran, and where my nose re-began it’s crazy expulsion. there’s nothing less sexy than trying to make a good impression while blood is coursing down your face. well… okay, there is. but at that moment, i couldn’t think of anything less attractive. also, i had to sit through a meeting - with a bunch of my new superiors who hadn’t met me before then - with a fistful of red tissue clamped to my face.

good impressions. i can make thems. and, ew. and, sorry if you have a sensitive stomach.

and… i’ve finished a mitten! you know, just in time for summer. which… yeah. the other night, the weatherman was talking about the freakin’ snow level. snow. in june. i blame everyone that drives a hummer.

and… i require a coffee refill. because i’m not caffeinated enough.

thanks for stopping by.