double u, tee, eff?

so, i was at the dentist this morning. where they like to complain that i don’t floss vigorously enough or whatever, and the hygienist pokes my gums with that pointy thinger far too often to be accidental. seriously, what kind of person becomes a hygienist? you scrape at other peoples’ oral cavities all day. it just seems like odd behavior.

says the girl who draws blood for a living.

anyway.

the dentist is telling me i need more fluoride, so i should get a rinse to use at night. or, she says, we can get you a prescription for toothpaste.

i mean… really? a toothpaste prescription? i use toothpaste (the arm & hammer stuff. it’s great. and over the counter!), so it’s not like i need to be dragged into the modern age or anything like that.

that just slays me. a prescription for toothpaste is like a prescription for dental floss, or a hairbrush.

sorry. it’s not terribly funny. but it’s still baffling to me.

carry on.

a few favorite things

you know what’s great? when you’re having a super lousy day, and you decide the best thing for your foul mood is a walk. and you go to the nature-ish path near your house, and within ten seconds, you’ve managed to slip on some mud and fall spectacularly on your knee. with witnesses.

yeah, friday was a great day. i’m not even joking about the ten seconds. i wish this bruise would photograph well.

anyway.

so, it’s been a not-great week and change. if you’ve been playing the home game, you know that last week, i took miz ophelia to the emergency room vet, where they poked holes in her and gave her a boost of blood. she’s still doing well. on wednesday, the vet called to tel me that she has lymphoblastic leukemia. which is a type of bone marrow cancer. so, that’s bad. but, she’s still on my list of favorite things. and now, she’s pretty much allowed to do whatever she flippin’ wants. it’s a house rule i have – if you get cancer, you get your way. so, she’s been sleeping under the sheets sometimes, and drinking right out of my glass when it suits her. and eating crackers. which i don’t feel bad about, because they’re the annie’s organic bunny crackers. those can’t possibly be bad for her.

it's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it, yeah

she really likes the dirty jobs dvds.

i’ve nearly finished knitting a pair of socks. which is not a big deal by itself. but, considering that i started the first sock this past monday, and i’m a few inches from completing the second sock here on sunday, it’s a fast set.

it reminds me of stained glass windows

i can’t show you the whole sock, because they’re a gift, and i’m not entirely convinced the recipient doesn’t read the blog. but they’re cool, and i wish they were my size.

seriously, it looks like a muppet to me

i discovered what can only be the single ugliest scarf i’ve ever tried to make. i stuffed it away a while back, and i found it today. it’s so not my style.

like i eviscerated a muppet and put my head through it

i mean, as a scarf it’s not my style. clearly, i enjoy the idea of it being some kind of accessory.

this gives me the desire to swig vodka

or prop.

also?

i’m not the kind of girl that has crushes on movie stars. i tend to reserve myself for television actors, apparently. and not only do i find david tennant’s version of dr who to be amusingly cheeky, i have a desire to get the TARDIS tattooed on my person. if you don’t follow dr who (and really… what’s wrong with you that you don’t?), the TARDIS is that police box the guy’s standing in front of. it’s really a time-and-space travel machine.

i kinda want one in the backyard.

thanks for stopping by.

… he smushes the baby tomato and says, ‘ketchup’

sorry about keeping all three of you hanging.

kitten is home. thus far, she’s fine. she had a blood transfusion and a lot of fluids. it was kinda great getting the updates from the vet every couple hours. he would judge her recuperation by how many of his staff she had bitten or screatched.

now, i have to give her an antibiotic twice a day. which involves two grown women, a blue towel (to keep her from clawing the holy hell out of us), and an eyedropper of liquid that smells like bananas. i haven’t heard back about what exactly is wrong with her. i mean, it’s not like cats are cars, and they need their fluids changed every decade.

they don’t, do they?

my MRI came back all crazy. however, my doctor has determined that it’s WNL (within normal limits) crazy, and has suggested i do more yoga and see a chiropractor. and a massage person. which is seriously the awesomenest prescription ever.

and? apparently the snow level is getting down to 500 feet tonight and tomorrow. so, maybe we’ll have a sugar frosted thursday.

thanks for stopping by.

please leave a message

so, yeah.

… do you ever have those times where you don’t even know where to begin? i’m having one of those times.

this week, kitten has been lethargic. not herself. slightly out of breath and exhausted. but then, she’s 10. which is, like, 60 in cat years. i took her into the vet. which was a feat in and of itself. i don’t deal with veterinarians. not because i don’t have the money or anything like that. but… my cat, she is aggressive. the last vet asked me to not bring her back.

don't come back unless you're covered in bacon

she’s a spitfire, really.

so, i take her to the vet. who tells me to run, not walk, to the animal emergency room down the road. who whisk her away while i’m filling out papers. and then usher me into a little room, where a much nicer vet asks me a bunch of questions about kitten, and tells me he has no idea what could be wrong with her. while we’re sitting there, some tech is testing her blood. a normal red blood cell count (these are the cells that carry oxygen from your lungs to the rest of your body) for a cat is 40-50% of the total blood volume.

my cat, when i brought her in? about 7%. not good, y’all.

so, they stick her in a oxygenated cubby and wrap her in a fleece blanket. i’m a bit hysterical, so they ask me to go home, and they’ll call me with updates. the updates are the best part of my day. the cliff notes version of things: she’s had a transfusion from one of the donor kitties in residence at the hospital (the idea of live-in donors knocks me out), and is doing well. x-rays have shown some stuff in her stomach, which could be food. or not, it’s hard to tell. they’ve run a few blood tests, and are waiting to hear back from pathology. she has a kitty IV. she’s biting the staff, which is normal behavior for her (she’s fixed and aggressive. she’s the awesome). she’s eating and drinking, which she wasn’t earlier. they’re keeping her, at least overnight, to monitor her. i visited with her earlier, and it was clear that she was happy to see me, not so happy to be staying, but resigned to hanging out for the night. i scratched and rubbed her normal spots until she drifted off to dozing land.

we know it’s not feline AIDS, we know it’s not leukemia. i’m pretty sure it’s a liver or kidney problem. i’m hoping to be wrong. i know it’s a major thing, whatever her illness. i’m just kind of hoping it’s little major, and not big major. i already know her hospital stay is pricey. we’re amazingly lucky i have the money sitting in an account.

they can rebuild her. they have the technology.

(insert six million dollar man sound effects here)

i can’t even begin to tell you all how absolutely terrified i am of losing my cat. my burping, farting cat who cleans herself loudly when company’s over. who will poop on people she really doesn’t like. who head butts me most mornings. who crawls into the knitting basket for extended naps, and curls up next to my shoulder when i’m reading in bed. the cat who seems to really dig hip hop, buries her face in my hair when i’ve used that one shampoo, and sometimes licks my nose is what has to be her version of a kiss.

the cat who, probably right now, is whacking at some technician while they try to check on her IV line. as is her way.

"i fart in your general direction, kniggit"

i’ve been asking the universe most of the day to help me out here. to let me have my crazy little cat restored to me. what really has me bent out of shape is the fact that, whatever she has, it’s a chronic thing. meaning it’s been going on for longer than the last week. which makes me feel like an absolutely bad person. surely, i should have seen something before now, if i was any kind of a mom. i know that animals hide their illnesses, and really, i did the best thing for her by rushing her to the hospital instead of letting the non-hospital doc run tests and adapt a wait-and-see attitude. i’m upset that the first vet – the non-hospital guy – made me feel like an animal abuser, saying that i should have seen that something was wrong sooner (yes, he really did say that. kitten tried to poop on him, but she was too weak).

anyway. i’m distracted. my furry baby is really ill. i can only visit her three times a day.

the once and future crazy

leave a message at the beep, is what i’m saying. i’ll get back to you.

kitten says meow. i say, thanks for stopping by.

i can has videos?

so, we haven’t been too busy at the lab this week. which has given us time to find silliness online. if i may recommend:

david after dentist

mom scares gay out of kid

exile (not funny, but kinda awesome)

and, nora.

thanks for stopping by.

manipulation can be nice

i went to a bridal shower/ bachelorette party on saturday. lots of good crazy fun. fun that eventually went to a karaoke bar in a bowling alley (i know, so classy. but whatever). fun that had this confetti spread over the table.

yes, they are what you think they are. and the one in the upper left appears to have been bitten.

i put this through the photoshop wringer, and this is what i liked the most.

it's like a velvet painting of a naked lady. hits the same nerves.

just goes to show you, manipulation can be pretty. sometimes. in the right light and all.

thanks for stopping by.

things that don’t quite go together

i have a few separate things to talk about, and none of them really match. so, i’m going to mash everything together and hope for the best.

#1- i went to the aquarium saturday. it was a lovely day, and i kinda wish i lived at the aquarium. any aquarium, i guess, but specifically this aquarium. where they have a special exhibit of weird-looking critters.

#2- i went to the doctor this morning. i’ll be having an MRI on tuesday.

#3- i went out to dinner this evening with a nurse i work with. we don’t see each other often, but we seem to get the same buttons pushed in the same sequence, if that makes sense.

i am fascinated with jellyfish

the place we had dinner at was one of those salad buffet kind of places. the salads aren’t boring, and they have fabulous soup and cornbread. but… well, i don’t know when this started, this salad buffet thing. i know buffets exist, and i know salad bars exist. i just don’t remember when the entire buffet was leafy greens, you know? and really, i’ve only noticed them in the pacific northwest. i’m sure they thrive in many other climates. i don’t know. it’s just kooky. in a good way.

this place was totally packed. we lucked out and got a booth, my nurse friend and i. my salad was wonderful, and the soup i followed it up with was the bomb. it was corn chowder with bacon, and this place has the soups set up next to this build-your-own-potato bar thinger. i scored some bacon bits to slap atop my soup, which i think was what put the soup over the edge.

the potato bar – which sounds like the kind of place that would have an amazing karaoke night – had all its condiments labeled, and the one that caught my eye was the marshmallow whipped cream. i wish i had a picture of this to show you all, but you’ll just have to take my word for it. i did not taste it. i couldn’t even bring myself to touch the spoon sticking out of it. just staring at the label seemed to deliver sugar straight to my bloodstream. i went back to our booth, and told my friend, dude, you have to go check out the whip cream. which is a weird thing to say to your dining partner in the best of circumstances. she went and had a gander, then she came back to tell me she was scared of such a thing.

yeah, it’s only marshmallow whip cream. it’s not armageddon, or flash fried crickets or anything like that. but still.

it just doesn't look real. but it swims crazy fast

you also overhear strange things in a place like that. while i was up getting that phenom soup, i overhead a woman talking to her uncle, or some male relative. they were discussing the upcoming wedding, and she was really upset because her hairdresser had cancelled her appointment because she had pneumonia. the woman was saying, i mean, it’s my hair on my big day. surely she can drag herself out of bed for that. i don’t want some random woman touching my head, you know?

i really wanted to throw my soup at this woman. she had very strange hair. it was streaked blond and black, and neither really seemed to be dominant on her head. when we were walking out of the dining room, we saw the woman with a large party of people. i would assume her wedding is happening in a few days, and these are the relatives that have gathered thus far. a few tables over, my friend pointed out one of the cutest babies ever. she has a thing for newborns, and she nudged me and said, that one looks pretty fresh. he was cute, chubby, and unwrinkled. his eyes were huge, and he kept sweeping them about the room over his dad’s shoulder. the whole language was, i was fine where i was. why did mom push me out here? who are these people? what’s wrong with that woman’s hair?

that kid was a bundle of cute, i tell you.

hagfish. aka slime eel. they generate gallons of snot. no joke.

this morning, i went to the doctor because of shoulder pain. it’s been an ongoing problem, and one my prior doctor didn’t take seriously. she would tell me to not sleep on that side, and that was about it. it’s not a huge deal most of the time, but recently the pain has gotten worse. it has also gone from being a right-shoulder-only problem to involving both shoulders. also also, i have had tingling in both hands. like, when you sit on your foot, and it falls asleep. pins and needles. which in itself is not a big deal, like i said. but since i rely on my fingers to palpate for veins and such, it’s becoming a big deal. my new doctor – whom i really like, because he makes eye contact, makes sense, and knows how to spell and order lab tests correctly (these things are a big deal when you work at the same place you rely on for healthcare) – did some minor poking and prodding at me. i mean, really minor. squeezed my shoulders, nudged some nerve/ pressure points in my wrists, that sort of thing.

i don't know what it's called, but it was cool looking

here’s the problem. my hands still hurt, and that was over 12 hours ago. my shoulders are crazy achy, and in particular my left thumb hurts quite a bit. it was pretty immobile for the majority of the day. when we were driving to dinner, my friend said it looked like i was trying to pull apart a rusty hinge, because i kept stretching the joint that connects my thumb to my hand. i was showing her how little i could move it, and it’s really uncomfortable. even now, typing is a little weird, because i’m trying not to move my thumb.

he asked me if i was stretching on a regular basis, and i said i’d been going to yoga class once or twice a week. he asked if i was taking any anti-inflammatories, and i told him about the pm pain reliever i have to take at night so i can sleep.

anyway. we scheduled an MRI, which is kinda cool because i don’t think i’ve ever had an MRI before. while he’s clacking away on the computer, my doctor says casually, yeah, once we have a look at your neck, we’ll know more about what’s going on. hopefully we can find a non-invasive solution.

which is another reason why my new doctor is awesome. i’ve only met with him two times, but each time he was all about the simplest plan of action. if he can avoid giving me a prescription, he will. it has a lot to do, i’m sure, with him looking at my medical history, looking at what i’ve been through thus far, and maybe making things easier for me. i actually interviewed a few doctors before i chose a new primary last year, which is something everyone should do, but almost no one wants to do. he told me on my pre-visit that if i want hollistic, he’s my guy. if i want a laundry list of prescriptions, and lots of labwork, maybe i should find someone else. which i am on board with.

so, when he casually said non-invasive, i thought, you mean, there may have to be an invasive solution? i’ve had surgery, but i’m not a fan. anaesthetic gives me nightmares, and i have a really hard time waking up. i tend to have a pre-knockout freakout, which doesn’t help matters. in general, i’m not a fan of being opened up again. even if it is in a new and exciting location.

can you spot the seaponies?

so, an MRI. on one hand, i’m kinda excited to have that done, because it’ll be interesting, and it may help me help other people in the long run. i’m hoping they’ll find an answer to the issues i’m having, because that would be great. i’m curious if they’ll be able to tell if my scoliosis has progressed any since my last x-ray, which was forever ago. on the other hand, i’m a little worried that they WILL find something. maybe all my time as a human punching bag so long ago damaged the cartilage in my shoulders, and now it’s getting to the point where my circulation is being affected.

i’d also love to be told, oh, no big deal, go see a chiropractor. get more massages. go to more yoga classes. take more vitamin B, and sit up straight.

you realize, of course, that this impedes my ability to knit.

i know it doesn't look like much, but this eel was bigger than a good sized dog

crap.

at least this flirty sea otter will still love me

thanks for stopping by.

because it’s wednesday

so, i walk into the patient’s room and say, hi, i’m here to steal some blood. i try to be casual about these things, because… well, it makes my job easier sometimes.

the patient looks up at me and says, you’re not funny. he’s alert, oriented, and kind of a jerk. i’ve dealt with him before. the other day i was drawing his blood, and he was telling me that all the phlebotomists here are terrible, and they never get his blood, and blah blah blah. i said, i don’t mean to brag or anything, but i’ve got your blood. he said, well, aren’t you just a superstar.

i don’t mind sarcasm, but i do mind blatant hostility and crappy attitudes.

anyway.

i say, well, you’re not attractive. because i can’t think of anything else, clever or otherwise, to say.

he stares at me. you’re still not funny.

i smile. we can go round and round all day, or you can just let me draw your blood.

point is, even if you’re a jerk, you’re still going to get jabbed with a sharp stick. there’s a life lesson in that, i’m sure.

thanks for stopping by.

faster than a speeding bullet

i’ve been on a bit of a superman kick recently. i partly blame this on netflix, and that watch instantly feature. i also blame this on the weather. there have been random bursts of snow/ rain/ hail/ freezing rain/ freakish sunshine/ crazy vicious wind since just before christmas, and i’m not interested in going out anywhere in that if i can avoid it at all.

anyway. superman.

i love that, out of all the superheroes in our movies and print, superman goes against the grain. most of them are regular people, who have to change into a costume to be that hero that stands aloft, squinting into the great unknown. or whatever heroes do on the last five minutes of their shift. batman is really bruce wayne, spidey is really peter parker, blah blah blah. but superman is really superman. his disguise is clark kent, the dork in the back of the room with the huge glasses. the one who reads dickens in his solitary apartment instead of going out, or watching the news, or writing a blog or whatever. he’s really this big bag of awesome, and he stuffs himself into a suit and those enormous glasses to go panting after margot kidder.

also, it’s great that, in order to fight crime, he parts his hair differently. love that.

yes, superman represents the warm little kernel of good that we mere mortals like to think resides somewhere in our dark little hearts. he’s such a boy scout, and i mean that in a kind way. there’s that bit in the second movie, where lois finally figures out that clark really is our boy in blue, and they take a little holiday at the ice fortress. which… okay, does anyone remember that weird bed he has? it’s like a giant silver hammock? i kinda covet such a strange thing. anyway, he changes into a mortal to have quiet time with lois, they go to a diner and super gets roughed up by that trucker, and then it’s on the news that the three criminals in bondage gear his dad imprisoned in a giant plate glass album cover have taken over the planet? and super sees that the people really need him, and he drops lois like a hot potato to go be the hero? there’s that bit at the end of the movie, where super is replacing the top of the white house, and he apologizes to the president for not being available. i mean, yeah, it’s the only thing a guy like superman can say. but dude… he should be allowed to take a week off every now and then. he’s superman. boy scout superman.

clearly, i don’t have a point in all this. other than, how much of that suit is christopher reeve? why does lois, who seems to be a smart and level-headed career girl when left to her own devices, trip over her own mortality when superman is around? has she always made such bad choices, like trying to get to a terrorist issue in the eiffel tower by sneaking onto some girders on the bottom of an elevator? and why does she take her purse with her? how many packs a day is she smoking, anyway? does he always wear that suit under his disguise suit? is it neoprene or something? is it machine washable?

much like highlander, there can be only one (i know george reeves was an awesome superman on tv. but this is my opinion here). yeah, i saw superman returns, and i didn’t care for it. none of it. i don’t know why, specifically. maybe the strange superman-as-jesus undertones? maybe it’s that what’s-his-name on the left there is simply not christoper reeve? it’s nothing personal. james bond will always be sean connery to me, and superman will always be mr reeves over there. besides, the new super is parting his hair on the wrong side. just saying.

a new day is dawning

when i was graduating from high school, one of the instructors gave a speech that rubbed my cortex the wrong way. every paragraph, it seemed, started with the phrase “a new day is dawning.” it drove me – and a fair percentage of my fellow graduates – bonkers. i mean, it was pretty hot outside. we were sitting in those blue polyester robes and matching hats. it’s a wonder none of us tanked from heat exhaustion.

i digress. i’ve always been a little bitter about having to wear a bit of cardboard on my head to get out of high school.

anyway.

i just came across this article. and, well… i hate to say it, but a new day? it’s kinda… you know…

dawning.

thanks, president dreamboat!