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Archive for the ‘oh, the humanity!’ Category

it’s been that kind of week.

thanks for stopping by.

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so, sunday?

i swear. sunday, just before noon

i swear. sunday, just before noon

went to the snow. IN FREAKING MAY. sorry, but this blows my mind. people skiing/ snowboarding/ snowshoeing/ what-have-you in… may. clearly, i’m not from around here.

also? about 30 minutes later?

same time zone, same day.

same time zone, same day.

perfect sunny weather. this seriously blows my mind. and, all about 30-45 minutes from my house. while i was enjoying that beautiful weather, i saw this:

that sound is me giggling at a toilet

that sound is me giggling at a toilet

best. obey. ever.

thanks for stopping by.

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being exposed to me has its good points and bad points.

first, i have to expose you to the original version of mahna mahna.

it’s one of those things most people have heard, or seen, or somehow been exposed to. it’s also something i say at work. well, mahna mahna, i’ll say. a co-worker might chime in with that do doo do do do chorus, or people might look at me funny. like that’s going to stop me.

but one guy i work with – we’ll call him the chicken man, because he has himself quite a few chickens – is apparently easy to imprint. it had already been a crazy day. he sat down next to me, just as i was saying mahna mahna. he sang do doo do do do, and then kept going with the rest of the song. we laughed about it, saying, wow, that probably the quickest song-getting-stuck-in-the-head ever. then we all go home.

a few hours later, i get this text on my cell phone:

Monomunop do do do do do/ Monomunop DO DOO DOO DOO DOO

it made me laugh so hard. i text him back: i win!! i am the awesome!! he responds with:

YES. YOU ARE!!

it’s nice to have someone agree on your awesome standing. anyway, i only see this guy a few times a week. yesterday – monday – i do it to him again. he tells me that mahna mahna can be cancelled out by singing the theme song to “the greatest american hero“. which we do for awhile. and then we al go home.

once more, a few hours later i get a text (spelling issues are his):

OMG YOUR GOING TO HELL WITH ME AND ALL MY FRIENDS! Munominop do do do do do Munominop!  OMG LOL

my response: dude, i have a condo in hell, already paid for. it’s on the nice side of the lake of fire! he says:

i will pick you up in a limo when you FINALLY ARRIVE!! YOUR RAD!!

he’s very excitable, the chicken man is. but i do have a heart. i went to youtube, and found that link for the greatest american hero. i text him back: i found the cure on youtube. the greatest american hero will save you!

chicken man says:

OMG YOU OPENED A CAN OF WORMS! DO DOO DO DOO DO! FOR SURE!

this is what phlebotomists do in their free time.

thanks for stopping by. do do do do

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so, yeah.

… do you ever have those times where you don’t even know where to begin? i’m having one of those times.

this week, kitten has been lethargic. not herself. slightly out of breath and exhausted. but then, she’s 10. which is, like, 60 in cat years. i took her into the vet. which was a feat in and of itself. i don’t deal with veterinarians. not because i don’t have the money or anything like that. but… my cat, she is aggressive. the last vet asked me to not bring her back.

don't come back unless you're covered in bacon

don't come back unless you're covered in bacon

she’s a spitfire, really.

so, i take her to the vet. who tells me to run, not walk, to the animal emergency room down the road. who whisk her away while i’m filling out papers. and then usher me into a little room, where a much nicer vet asks me a bunch of questions about kitten, and tells me he has no idea what could be wrong with her. while we’re sitting there, some tech is testing her blood. a normal red blood cell count (these are the cells that carry oxygen from your lungs to the rest of your body) for a cat is 40-50% of the total blood volume.

my cat, when i brought her in? about 7%. not good, y’all.

so, they stick her in a oxygenated cubby and wrap her in a fleece blanket. i’m a bit hysterical, so they ask me to go home, and they’ll call me with updates. the updates are the best part of my day. the cliff notes version of things: she’s had a transfusion from one of the donor kitties in residence at the hospital (the idea of live-in donors knocks me out), and is doing well. x-rays have shown some stuff in her stomach, which could be food. or not, it’s hard to tell. they’ve run a few blood tests, and are waiting to hear back from pathology. she has a kitty IV. she’s biting the staff, which is normal behavior for her (she’s fixed and aggressive. she’s the awesome). she’s eating and drinking, which she wasn’t earlier. they’re keeping her, at least overnight, to monitor her. i visited with her earlier, and it was clear that she was happy to see me, not so happy to be staying, but resigned to hanging out for the night. i scratched and rubbed her normal spots until she drifted off to dozing land.

we know it’s not feline AIDS, we know it’s not leukemia. i’m pretty sure it’s a liver or kidney problem. i’m hoping to be wrong. i know it’s a major thing, whatever her illness. i’m just kind of hoping it’s little major, and not big major. i already know her hospital stay is pricey. we’re amazingly lucky i have the money sitting in an account.

they can rebuild her. they have the technology.

(insert six million dollar man sound effects here)

(insert six million dollar man sound effects here)

i can’t even begin to tell you all how absolutely terrified i am of losing my cat. my burping, farting cat who cleans herself loudly when company’s over. who will poop on people she really doesn’t like. who head butts me most mornings. who crawls into the knitting basket for extended naps, and curls up next to my shoulder when i’m reading in bed. the cat who seems to really dig hip hop, buries her face in my hair when i’ve used that one shampoo, and sometimes licks my nose is what has to be her version of a kiss.

the cat who, probably right now, is whacking at some technician while they try to check on her IV line. as is her way.

"i fart in your general direction, kniggit"

"i fart in your general direction, kniggit"

i’ve been asking the universe most of the day to help me out here. to let me have my crazy little cat restored to me. what really has me bent out of shape is the fact that, whatever she has, it’s a chronic thing. meaning it’s been going on for longer than the last week. which makes me feel like an absolutely bad person. surely, i should have seen something before now, if i was any kind of a mom. i know that animals hide their illnesses, and really, i did the best thing for her by rushing her to the hospital instead of letting the non-hospital doc run tests and adapt a wait-and-see attitude. i’m upset that the first vet – the non-hospital guy – made me feel like an animal abuser, saying that i should have seen that something was wrong sooner (yes, he really did say that. kitten tried to poop on him, but she was too weak).

anyway. i’m distracted. my furry baby is really ill. i can only visit her three times a day.

the once and future crazy

the once and future crazy

leave a message at the beep, is what i’m saying. i’ll get back to you.

kitten says meow. i say, thanks for stopping by.

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i’m okay with being the last person to know about cool new stuff. i was probably the last of my close friends to sign up for gmail, for example. and, i’m totally afraid to admit it, but i still have a hotmail account. which is kind of like admitting you still smoke because you think it makes you look cool.

and, until sometime this morning, i was still using a yahoo! homepage.

i’ll wait until the nerds have recovered.

(hums quietly to self, and watches the dog run full tilt into the screen door. again. he’s not smart from any angle, i tell y’all)

anyway.

so, i was goofing around on the ancient desktop we have at the house. the same desktop z uses to – gasp! – check her hotmail, and shop for shoes and airline tickets. and, the same desktop that z dog has been watching porn on. i only know about the porn because… well, i’ve been around the block quit a few times. i have good hearing. and i know porn when i hear it. it’s a rather distinctive sound.

i’m digressing. remind me to tell you about the night of the bizarre house rules. that culminated in me hearing the porn from down the hall, and through a closed door.

ugh. i’m gonna have to wash my hands with bleach after i’m done typing here. these keys are a bit sticky.

anyway, google.

go to the google homepage. basic, clean and the beginning of awesome. now, in the upper right-hand corner there. see the igoogle link? click that sumbitch. clicky all the stuff you’re interested in, and i strongly suggest you click on your town. then, the google makes your own shiny new homepage.

but! that’s not all!

not only is the google page more informative than my yahoo! page, but there are all those tabs at the top. i clicked on the ‘portland’ tab… and it gave me local news, transit information, movie times, blah blah. it also gave me a concert and event calendar. a complete one. meaning, big music acts rolling through town alongside the little local bands playing the little dive-y bars.

i’m sure you all know about the igoogle. like i said, i’m usually the last to know. but dudes… i am in love with the google.

and now the google loves me back.

thanks for stopping by.

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    so, i went with YMCrae and our bodyguard, otis redding, to last thursday on alberta. it’s basically an art walk type thing, but it seems to get a little crazier each time. by nine at night, the sidewalks are so packed you can barely step forward, and we end up holdting onto otis so we don’t get separated.

    otis, for those of you new here, is a giant dog.

    anyway. we also saw a movie up at the kennedy called forgetting sarah marshall. people, i don’t normally laugh out loud. i laughed so hard at that movie, i may have snorted a few times. it’s good and silly, go see it.

    so, we then walked last thursday. and saw many odd things.

    people are entranced by otis. everyone wants to touch him. it’s like he’s a rock star. i was telling YMCrae that people should tithe every time they say, ‘wow, that’s a big dog!’ yes, he’s a saint bernard. she knows he’s pony-sized. what is it with stating the obvious? he loves the attention, but he’s easily distracted. pet near his back end, and he’ll forget he’s walking.

    musicians playing on a front porch. right around the corner from this, someone had set up huge speakers on their front lawn, and were blasting what sounded like techno. it was just mean, you know?

    woman on fire. it just looked cool.

    i really like chandeliers. they’re charming.

    alberta. so, next time? should you see two girls walking with a horse, you’ll know they’re us.

    thanks for stopping by.

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    so, a little internal-memo moment for you’s. i’m only adding comments through november 2007. this is largely because… it takes a loooooooong time. the posts theyselves are easy to cut-and-paste from ye olde blog. but all those comments.

    i’m no marathon runner, is all i’m saying.

    real post below. thanks for stopping over.

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